(Don't) Bestill my Beating Heart

Are you at risk for sudden cardiac arrest, or "SCA" as the kids say?

I am! Maybe.

According to a web site run by St. Jude Medical, some of the manageable risk factors are:

• Stress
• High blood pressure
• High cholesterol
• Cigarette smoking
• Excess weight
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• High fat diet
• Sedentary lifestyle

Great!

Now, this SCA stuff isn't a regular heart attack. This isn't a question of your arteries being gummed up with crap and being starved for delicious oxygen-rich blood, or chunks of your hardened arteries breaking off and floating around until they kill you. Naw, Sudden Cardiac Arrest has more to do with the electrical innards of your heart muscle going all cattywompus and messing up the rhythm in a catastrophic way.

In other words, the heart stops beating. And when the heart stops beating, you don't get blood to your brain and vital organs. And in that case, you might as well be dead. In fact, you'd be dead. Very bad.

So, whatcha gonna do? Hopefully someone around knows what the heck is going on, and you're somewhere that has a defibrillator. You know, the shock paddles. Zonk, you're dead. Zap, you're alive. W00t!

But there's another option if you've had these sudden heart attacks before and are likely to have them again. How about a defibrillator that's stuck inside your chest? Aha! The ICD implant is about the size of a pocketwatch, and since you don't carry a pocketwatch any more, you won't mind the excess weight. Of course, it's inside you. It's no good for telling time, but it is good for detecting an abnormally slow or fast heartbeat and zapping it back to the proper speed. I'm not doctory enough to explain the difference between this and a pacemaker, other than that it sounds like this implant is smart whereas a pacemaker may be dumb. I dunno. Ask your doctor.

If you're having sudden cardiac arrest right now, hit the "back" button on your browser right now and call 9-1-1. You only have 4-6 minutes to get help before you're permanently deceased.

If you're not having one, find out if you're about to by visiting www.insidecardiacarrest.com.

The Blue Man Fraud -- blame the media?

Have you seen this guy on the news? He's not the aging founder of the whack-cool-instruments-with-sticks-while-painted art troupe the Blue Man Group. His name is Paul Karason, and supposedly he's been in the news because he took a dietary supplement and turned blue.

Okay, I've heard of eating too many carrots and turning orange -- but what on earth could make you turn blue? I mean, I like the Smurfs as much as the next guy, but this is extreme.

Well, it turns out some people take a silver supplement for their health. I don't mean silver as some kind of ranking, like gold-silver-bronze, or silver as in it's a shiny pill. No, they take actual silver, dissolved, tiny tiny tiny particles. Before the late 1930s, "Colloidal Silver" -- that is, a preparation in which the particles are actually suspended in the fluid, not dissolved ionically -- was used as a mainstream antibiotic. Sulfa and penicillin squeezed it out of the market. The US EPA says it's okay to use silver as a hospital disinfectant.

But drinking the stuff? Yes, people do it. And the man in the picture supposedly changed colour from it.

Now, there may be more to the story. A company that sells colloidal silver would be devastated if people believed taking the stuff would turn you into a Smurf or a drum-banging hippie, yes? That's the problem facing PurestColloids.com. They've set up a web page to debunk what they call the "Blue Man Fraud." According to the site, it's partly his fault for cooking up a home-brew silver drink that's totally NOT like the stuff they sell ... and then going suntanning, which fixed the blueness in his skin much like a silver-particle photographic plate would if you exposed it to light. They say the Blue Man was not consuming the kind of Colloidal Silver they sell.

But they go a step further and blame the media. Uh-oh! I don't much care for that! The company outright says that the mass media cannot be trusted to report anything that even resembles a truthful story.

Now, now. As part of the evil mass media myself, I know that end-of-the-line fact-checking is often lacking. If it comes down the wire, we assume that the people uplines have the story straight, and that it's fair game for reading. I'm smart and cynical enough to research further if the story seems weird enough to be questionable, or is on a subject I feel terribly under-informed about.

And, in the case of silver turning people blue, I might have turned to Wikipedia, for example, to see if silver actually turns people blue. What's it say? "Long-term intake of silver products may result in a condition known as argyria, one symptom of which is a blue or gray discoloration of the skin .... Many scientific articles report cases of argyria after ingestion of colloidal silver.[13][14][15][16][17][18]."

Okay, fair enough. It can happen. PureColloids.com is welcome to try to tell the public that its particular formulation will absotively posolutely NOT turn customers blue. Counter information with information, but please don't smear the media.

As always, I encourage you to read both sides, sort through hyperbole, and err on the side of common sense. Check out the pros and cons (the companies tell you some pros at http://www.purestcolloids.com/blue-man.php, Wikipedia will point you to what the FDA and others suggest about cons) before taking any supplement.

Except bacon. Bacon's a good supplement for anything.

Followup to Donair Salad request

I sent out an email about my Donair Salad article. I asked for feedback from King Of Donair, Bash Toulany's, and Venus Pizza, as well as from two webmasters who feature extensive sites about Halifax donairs.


Chris at TheGreatness.com (a fantastic Donair resource, btw!) responds:

Dunno. I would think, given the Mediterranean emphasis on salads and the North American "chicken caesar salad" phenomenon, that such a salad would make some
sense. It's a natural evolution from the "doner kebab" and green salad combo that is common in Turkey and, by extension, in European towns with large Turkish populations. But Canadian donair has a well deserved reputation of being the food you eat when you don't care about healthy eating. How do you mix that with the healthy clientele that usually wants a salad? Maybe it would work, but it's one more item on the menu to keep track of.

So far, none of the other leading donair innovators or commentators have replied to my request.

Someone must make this: Donair Salad

Jason was heading off to Burger King to get a salad today.

Why? Because he had a coupon.

Still, a salad? At Burger King? Home of the Whopper? (See My Beef with Burger King article.)

It suddenly dawned on me ...

Someone in this town needs to introduce a DONAIR SALAD.

DONAIR SALAD, yo!

Can't you just see it? Or smell it with your mind's nose?

A salad ... a salad with, y'know, lettuce ... but with the usual donair toppings of onions and tomatoes ...

... topped with donair meat ...

... dressed with ... I dunno ... DONAIR SAUCE?

It seems obvious! We have donair subs, donair burgers, donair pizza, perhaps even donair fries. But a google search only turns up a couple of instances of Donair Salad, and I don't think they're even in the Donair Capital, Halifax.

Someone. Please. Make. Me. A. Donair. Salad.

Low in carbs. Crunchy. Meaty.

Add it to your menu, and I'll write you up a recommendation here at www.bigasssuperstar.com. And it'll be an especially good recommendation if you give it to me free.

Everyone knows you're supposed to drink eight glasses of water a day

Well, phooey on you for believing one of the great medical myths.

BMJ (formerly The British Medical Journal) has issued its list of Seven Great Medical Myths. Among them: the idea that you need eight glasses of water a day.

This notion was assailed in a BAS post from September 2006:

Now, some people go overboard with the water. You've certainly heard the "rule" that you need to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day in order to maintain good health. Well, baloney. Snopes.com, the Urban Legends Reference Pages, debunks that myth. Furthermore, a Dartmouth Medical School study published in the American Journal of Physiology gives medical debunking to the "8x8" dogma -- eight glasses of water at eight ounces each.

As reported this week on WebMD:

1. Medical Myth: Drink at least eight glasses of water per day.
Reality: There's no evidence that you have to drink that much water to assure adequate fluid intake -- and drinking too much water can be unhealthy.
2. Medical Myth: We use only 10% of our brains.
Reality: Most of the brain isn't loafing.
Detailed brain studies haven't found the "non-functioning" 90% of the brain.
3. Medical Myth: Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
Reality: Hair and fingernails don't keep growing after death. But it may seem that way because dehydration can make the skin shrink back from hair and nails, making them look longer.
4. Medical Myth: Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight.
Reality: Dim light isn't great for focusing, but it's "unlikely to cause a permanent change in the function or structure of the eyes," Vreeman's team writes.
5. Medical Myth: Shaving causes hair to grow back faster or coarser.
Reality: "Shaving does not affect the thickness or rate of hair regrowth," write Vreeman and colleagues. But shaved hair doesn't have the fine taper of unshaved hair, making it seem coarser.
6. Medical Myth: Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals.
Reality: "Rigorous testing in Europe found minimal interference and only at distances of less than one meter [about 3.28 feet]," write the researchers. But that may be a point of controversy. In September, Dutch doctors reported that cell phones may interfere with critical care equipment and shouldn't be used within a meter of medical equipment or hospital beds.
7. Medical Myth: Eating turkey makes people especially drowsy.
Reality: Turkey isn't all that rich in tryptophan, the chemical linked to sleepiness after eating turkey. But eating a big, decadent meal can cause sleepiness, even if turkey isn't on the menu.

Here's to a 2008 full of informed information and factual facts.

Now, time for bed. The turkey is making me sleepy.

My teeth in sesquipedalian detail

Hey, look. It's my teeth. Spooooky, mang.

That's the third panoramic x-ray I had done during a visit to one of Halifax's top orthodontists for a consultation on getting a billion-dollar smile. The panoramic x-ray machine had a hard time navigating around my broad, manly, hulking shoulders. That, and I was biting the bite-thingy wrong the first time and moved a little.


So, here's the lowdown.

Apparently I have a borderline skeletal Class III malocclusion. Moderate overbite, 2mm overjet, deep Curve of Spee, maxillary anterior diastema, excessive upper and lower interdental spacing, incisal misguidance, mandibular retropositioning, mandibular thrusting, anterior bruxing, abraded 1-2, 1-1, 2-1, 2-2, 3-2, 3-1, 4-1, 4-2, mandibular left closing shift, temporomandibular joint dysfunction, mandibular macrognathia, dental asymmetry, missing 1-8, 2-8, 3-8, 4-8, malformed (small) 1-2, 1-1, 2-1, 2-2, 3-2, 3-1, 4-1, 4-2.

Yup. That's a mouthful. (Har, har.)

The doctor spent about 40 minutes telling me how a proper bite was important, not just for the sake of a beautiful smile, but for my overall health. He demonstrated on charts, pictures, gizmos and a human skull how my funky bite could mess up so many things.

But when I told him what I do for a living, and how I'm concerned that not being able to speak properly would be a big hindrance to my life, he changed course.

He switched from a track that would lead to train-tracks in my mouth, to one that would slap porcelain on my chompers.

He recommends:
- continued bite plane therapy -- the plastic mouth guard that stops me from smashing my molars to pieces every night
- periodontal referral -- I guess to see if the gums in the gaps between my teeth are in jeopardy due to their exposure
- cosmetic dentistry to eliminate excessive maxillary and mandibular interdental spacing -- that is, veneers or bonding or grinding or something to un-gap my gappy teeth

That's assessment number one. I plan to have at least one more before pondering futher.

Here's something interesting. In searching for some of the terms in the very wordy diagnosis, Google spat back some intriguing results. Namely, this very blog. I posted first and then went to add some links -- and Google sometimes found that my entry was one of the only instances of that phrase on the net.

Another page with some of the same terms is another blog. Coincidentally, a blog by a woman who saw an orthodontist in Nova Scotia. Does it seem weird that terms appeared in both her diagnosis and mine, but not so commonly across the internet?

Gaining omentum for a diet

I'm flipping around the teevee before sleepytime last night, and happen upon the local (local being Boston or Detroit, I think) PBS station doing their pledge drive. The show they're using to hook people between pledge breaks was one I'd seen bits of before. Some doctor-lookin' guy in scrubs explaining good concepts of "waist management." You know, eat this, do this, don't eat that. It's pretty straightforward and un-gimmicky, and very easy to digest, pardon the pun.

I'd never watched it for any great length of time, but I watched enough last night to see something I'd never heard of before.

What the hell is an "omentum"?

I emailed myself a note with the Blackberry to look it up today.

Turns out -- and this is vastly oversimplified, so anatomy nerds need not correct me -- the "omentum" is a fatty gob *under* your belly muscles, around your guts. When you're a fat guy, the omentum can get fatty and push your belly out. That's how some folks can have visible ab muscles with little subcutaneous fat, but still have a beer gut. (I'm not those folks. I mean the folks with the visible abs.)

Interesting, I thought. And interestinger because it is, according to Doctor Whatsisname Wearing The Scrubs, all connected up with hormones and digestion and various whatsits in your innards.

You all know the only thing I love more than being a know-it-all is learning that there's stuff I don't know anything about. And this is the latter. Very curious!

The book being touted is called "You On A Diet". Based on what I saw of the PBS show, it's a synthesis of stuff I've heard about, know a bit about, but never fully synthesized. Stuff like how certain foods will spike your insulin levels, what that does to fat storage, and how your guts honestly process the stuff you eat. It appears to be a very simple-and-makes-sense-without-being-condescending and/or bullshit book.

Someone over at thefitshack.com did a more thorough explanation of the "omentum" and related concepts, having pretty much the same reaction as I did. Go there and learn something new.

Miscellaneous updates

Alright, in an effort to clear the backlog of stuff-I-ain't-blogged-about lately ... here's a clearinghouse post about things and junk.

My noon-hour news show has been dropped in favour of more talk-show action. They've shrunk the noon newscast to seven action-packed minutes. It's going alright. The big afternoon news wheel now starts at 3pm instead of 3:30. An extra half-hour of reading. Interesting times! Ratings are on. Let's hope for big numbers.

I think the station is really taking hold. I can tell because of the influx of crackpot callers. We've had recent contact from conspiracy theorists convinced of the reality of chemtrails, lizard people, cattle mutilation and, of course, the 9/11 doubters.

I earned my Yellow Belt at taekwondo just before the summer vacation. The test was a little nerve-wracking, with lots of new Korean terminology to remember. I'm still not smooth and graceful and balanced and powerful, but I'm getting a helluva workout and learning new kicks and punches and strikes and painful holds.

Britney Spears did not look fat on the VMAs. Her dance routine was weak, but she looked just fine, thankyouverymuch.

All these earthquakes lately! How long 'til the big one?

The Belgians want to prosecute the Church of Scientology for fraud and extortion, alleging unlawful practices in medicine, violating privacy laws and using illegal business contracts. Go for it!

I've been back in the studio recording more music. It's fun. Latest recording has been a bit of a departure from past rocking efforts -- taking on Buenas Tardes Amigo by Ween.

Biking to work is fun. Halifax is full of hills, so it's a challenge. I get to work sweaty, but I get home a lot faster.

Nova Scotia's Utility and Review Board has turned down an appeal by heritage groups seeking to block the construction of two 27-storey towers in downtown Halifax. I've got no problem with having such a development in the city. After participating in the process to review and/or challenge the construction of the giant Minto Midtown condos at Yonge and Eglinton in Toronto, I learned to separate NIMBYism from the bigger issues. As much as I don't want the Halifax harbour view blocked, I don't have any other real objections to the "Twisted Sisters" development.

I hear my alma mater Ryerson University now has the only academic HDTV studio in North America. Way to go Rye High! Thanks to Matt from RTA 95 who invited me to the Facebook alumni group -- sorry bud, I'm still not on Facebook. Anyone in the group is welcome to post this web address to the wall or whiteboard or whatever thing they have there.

I tried shrimp recently when Amanda bought some at the Superstore and we grilled it up with steak. And we both tried scallops (pronounced "scollops" out here). She liked them both more than I did, but I didn't hate 'em. Good on me for trying new foods.

Overhauling the old http://www.cygnals.com/ web site is on my perpetual "to-do" list, but it never gets "to-done", in part because it's been almost a decade since I've done any real web work. My 1997-vintage skillz don't hold up today. And neither does my software. Last time I redid the site, I was using Microsoft Frontpage. I find out today that Frontpage doesn't exist any more. So, I don't know what to do to remake the site. Idears?

Are you getting enough Vitamin D? CTV News keeps running stories about how taking 1000 IU of Vitamin D every day is supposed to prevent cancer and do other good things for yo' body. So that's what I'm doing now. Can't say it's making me feel any less cancerous, but, y'know, time will tell.

Calvin Klein coolmax underwear is fantastic. Happy birthday to me. Thanks, baby!

A PR person contacted me recently to ask how many visitors I get here at bigasssuperstar.com. I checked Google Analytics and was astonished at how many -- more than four-thousand, it said. That just don't seem right. Anyway, turns out the lady does PR for Philips Canada. Methinks she arrived here because of my earlier campaign to bring the Philips Bodygroom to Canada. In case you missed it -- it's here now. Hairy dudes, get it. Partners of hairy dudes -- get it for them.

Other web sites to keep you busy 'til I get at this thing again:

http://gigababy.blogspot.com/ - my old friend Cindy writes about celebrities, the news, stress, rage, anger, and motherhood.

http://www.wrestlingobserver.com/wo/ - The Wrestling Observer. Wrestling news without pictures.

http://www.wrestlecrap.com/ - The worst of professional wrestling.

http://www.x-entertainment.com/ - A funny guy who collects stuff in a way that would never be allowed in my home.

http://theswca.com/collectors.html - Don't make fun of my Star Wars collection. Compared to this, I don't HAVE one.

http://members2.boardhost.com/scrapbook/ - Ontario radio people who write on the internet. I'd say more, but they'd probably tear me a new one under assorted pseudonyms.

http://b4.boards2go.com/boards/board.cgi?user=OnTheAir2005 - Atlantic-Canadian radio people who only write nice things.

http://www.videohelp.com/ - Q&A about video editing, converting, encoding, etc. Geek stuff, for sure.

http://taggedbagged.blogspot.com/ - Look at all the Halifax graffiti. And look at how the "graffiti artists" who call themselves "writers" can't spell, use punctuation, or conduct themselves with any sense of decorum or respect. The blogger has a good heart, though.

http://alley.ethercat.com/door/ - Read what departed Scientologists have to say about their time in the "Church".

http://groups.google.ca/group/alt.religion.scientology/topics - See how spam, crackpots, trolls, intellectuals and wannabes interact around the subject of Scientology.

http://line6.com/ - You play guitar? You want these toys.

and finally ... http://icanhascheezburger.com/ - Funny cats. Lolz. Seriously, I'm laughing all day with this one.

Okay, that's it. I'm done for now. Time to make more news.

BigAssSuperstar: Un-Weighted: Week Nine

Another decent week with a few trips to the gym. Cardio stuff. I've dropped down to my "skinny" pants. Not that skinny -- 38 instead of 40, but it's a change. My existing regime of pants are getting too saggy in the butt and loose around the waist.

I went to the doctor for some blood work. Just wanted to see where my cholesterol, blood sugar, vitamins, transmission fluid and antifreeze levels were at. Hopped on the scale and got official medical confirmation that I'm down several pounds from my last visit. And, I asked for a quick blood-pressure test. What a surprise!

Here's how my BP has scored at doctors visits in recent history:

• June 2002: 140/90 (Stage 1 hypertension)
• January 2003: 120/90 (Prehypertension)
• May 2005: 130/90
• June 2006: 120/90
• Now: 110/70 (Normal!)

So, I guess eating well and exercising can have a pretty swift effect on blood pressure.

Thanks for all the feedback and encouragement, gang! Doing this in public has been part of the motivation for success. I must give some credit to Amanda, who's also been making weight-loss efforts, beginning around the time I decided to try out for X-Weighted Season 2. She led the way with the healthier eating. And it's working well for her so far -- she's lost an amazing 27 pounds to this point! She doesn't have a blog (yet) to showcase her efforts and get the same cheering section, so here's a big hip-hip-hurray for her!

Start weight: 220 pounds
Last week: 217
This week: 216
Change: -1
Total loss: 4 pounds

---

BAS Un-Weighted Archives: Week Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight.

BigAssSuperstar: Un-Weighted: Week Three

A bit of perspective on my weight in recent years:

• March, 2003: 225 pounds
• May, 2003: 216
• November, 2003: 225
• February, 2004: 225
• May, 2004: 216
• October, 2004: 216
• January, 2005: 220 down to 216

So, my weight over the past three and a half years has gone between highs around 225 pounds and lows around 216. So, I'm currently as slim as I've been in the past several years. Everything from this point on will be a new low for me this century.

Somehow I missed going to the gym this week, but I walked home from work every day but Wednesday. Lunch was the regular healthy fare all week, and I didn't have any donuts -- just one Timbit. Dinners were reasonable, 'cept Tuesday night when we had a special dinner out at Il Mercato on Spring Garden. (Homemade Italian sausage, pan-fried with carmelized onions, with baby carrots, green beans and fantastic potatoes.) Of course, there was cake. I made a cake for Amanda's birthday on Tuesday (see above), and we ate it. One slice just wasn't enough -- this was goooood cake. Didn't eat it all in one night, but I'll tell ya there's none left today. Pizza one night. Pizza another night (a donair lover's pizza from K.O.D. -- I didn't love it, but I was really hungry Saturday night).

Start weight: 220 pounds
Last week: 216
This week: 216
Change: 0
Total loss: 4 pounds

Yikes. Zero change this week. I did a whole bunch of free squats on Sunday, leading to sore legs on Monday. But it's the good sore -- that painful, gosh-I-must've-done-some-good, can't-wait-for-that-to-heal-so-that'll-be-stronger kind of pain. This week shapes up to be interesting: recovering from a big Amandariffic turkey dinner on Sunday, but enjoying healthy turkey-spawned leftovers through the week... and a big catered lunch at work Wednesday to celebrate a full year since the station launched. Let's hope for a loss this time next week!

Water, water everywhere

A comment from Sandra in BAS:UW:1 points out the value of water. Yes! Water is great. I think most people could benefit from drinking more water each day, especially those who are exercising.

Research published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism (is your subscription up to date?) even suggests that drinking water can actually help you lose weight! Something about water-induced thermogenesis:

In 14 healthy, normal-weight subjects (seven men and seven women), we assessed the effect of drinking 500 ml of water on energy expenditure and substrate oxidation rates by using whole-room indirect calorimetry. The effect of water drinking on adipose tissue metabolism was assessed with the microdialysis technique. Drinking 500 ml of water increased metabolic rate by 30%. The increase occurred within 10 min and reached a maximum after 30-40 min.

Of course, that's just one paper, and research published in the same journal earlier this month seems to contradict the findings.

Now, some people go overboard with the water. You've certainly heard the "rule" that you need to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day in order to maintain good health. Well, baloney. Snopes.com, the Urban Legends Reference Pages, debunks that myth. Furthermore, a Dartmouth Medical School study published in the American Journal of Physiology gives medical debunking to the "8x8" dogma -- eight glasses of water at eight ounces each:

the notion may have started when the Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council recommended approximately "1 milliliter of water for each calorie of food," which would amount to roughly two to two-and-a-half quarts per day (64 to 80 ounces). Although in its next sentence, the Board stated "most of this quantity is contained in prepared foods," that last sentence may have been missed, so that the recommendation was erroneously interpreted as how much water one should drink each day.

So, in addition to all my beverage consumption, I think the extra 500-750mL of water I'm consuming during the day is enough to keep me hummin'. My hourly (or more) bathroom trips seem to bear that out.

Big Ass Superstar: Un-Weighted: Week Zero

Game on!

After Halifax was cut from production in the new season of Life Network's "X-Weighted", I decided to launch my own web series, "Big Ass Superstar: Un-Weighted". It has now begun.

Over the next six months, I hope to chronicle the process and effects of going to war with myself in the quest for fitness. Start day has been set as September 18. Goal end date would thus be ... umm ... March 18.

At this point, I hope to have weekly or perhaps bi-weekly blog updates on what I'm up to and how it's going. I also hope to have monthly video recaps over on the BigAss YouTube channel. (Gotta get my editing chops sharpened up, and cook up a logo for the segment.) The "Before" pictures have been shot.

Intial measurements at launch:

• Height: 5'7" (not expected to change)
• Weight: 220 pounds
• Body fat (on electronic scale): 40.1%
• Chest: 44.5"
• Biceps: 12"
• Waist: 47"
• Thighs: 25"
• Neck: 17 3/8"

Goals and aims:

• Ultimate goal at this point is 160 pounds with a body fat percentage at the high end of "healthy". I'm setting the six-month goal as a 50 pound loss, putting me at 170 pounds as of mid-March 2007. Ambitious, yes.
• Get my neck and jawline back
• Fit into size 36 pants. 34 would be nice. I can't imagine 32.
• Be able to wear new, nice clothes proudly and comfortably
• See improvements in empirical measures: blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol
• Have more energy
• Less unnecessary sweating
• Quit smoking
• Reduce pain in back, neck, chest and knees
• Develop a masculine physique
• Improve flexibility, thus reducing groaning, grunting, huffing and puffing
• Gain respect for my discipline and achievement
• Get a better sense of myself as an attractive person
• At the end, shave off my mustache/goatee. It's the mask of the fat man.

So, that's the beginning. Watch for regular updates, and don't get too grossed out by the video footage when it eventually gets posted.