Props from the peeps

News95.7 got a ton of fan mail over the weekend praising our thorough coverage of the forest fires around Halifax. We taped the emails to the newsroom whiteboard as they arrived in the assorted inboxes. Today Jason White snapped this photo of the sprawling wall of tributes.

Considering privacy when there's nothing to hide

I'm looking for your opinions on this ... I think I know how I feel about it, but I'm aware that other people feel differently ... so help me understand here.

I've posted here before about people marking some of my Flickr photos as favorites in a post entitled "Gay guys totally dig me on Flickr." There's a contingent of gentlemen who think my chubby, hairy belly is dead sexy.

When I check recent activity on my Flickr gallery, I regularly find that people have marked some of the photos as favorites. When I click on the person's name to see their favorites, there's usually a theme. When it comes to the context in which I find my pictures, it's usually a collection of overfed and underdressed hirsute dudes.

Me -- I'm not that spooked by it. I find it flattering that people would find me so attractive they want to see my picture more than once. I don't feel threatened by it. My pictures don't portray me in a degrading fashion in any way that would impugn my character or smear my reputation. They're just photos of me that happen to appeal to a certain narrow demographic. I even stuck out my belly in one of the photos on our Cuba trip as a nod to my "fans".

Lately I've spotted a few people favouriting my girlfriend's pictures. And, likewise, there's usually a theme. Usually it's breasts, specifically cleavage, although one guy clearly had a thing for cute girls' armpits.

Now, this is where I acknowledge my opinion may diverge from others.

I'm not threatened by men on the internets looking at our innocent snapshots and finding my girlfriend to be hot. I'm kind of flattered that they think she's as sexy as I do.

Some people find it really really creepy that people would be looking at them like that. I don't think Amanda's comfortable with strangers finding her pictures sexy. I don't think she finds it threatening but she's clearly not into having her armpits fetishized for people who troll the web for shots that accidentally show the body parts they love most.

Now, I'm not taking pictures of my partner in sexy underthings and in suggestive poses to post on the internet to vampiristically solicit the drooling glances of other strangers. Not that that would be entirely unlike me, or some version of me from the past, but that's not appropriate, welcome or ... y'know, it's not a good idea. I get that.

Aren't I scared that these people are stalking me or her? No, I'm not. I don't believe these people are infatuated with anything more than the particular image they're looking at. I'm not afraid that someone out there has spotted my lady's 'pits or decolletage and is crawling the web looking for a way to get to her. I don't feel that kind of fear.

What's going on here is that we're posting perfectly reasonable snapshots that the average person would find innocent and plain. But people are devouring other peoples' photographed life and cherry picking the parts that turn them on, then saving them out to a collection that focuses on their particular predilections.

So what's a person to do? Cave into the peepers and go private with our otherwise unproblematic photos? Consider this: every parent who's posting adorable photos of their kids playing in the backyard pool are also sharing those family memories with oddballs who scour the web for pictures of children playing in backyard pools! Your little boy or girl could end up bookmarked for future insalubrious viewing by a guy whose viewing habits would make you throw up.

Where's it stop? If someone has a thing for women in red shirts, you may find your photos ending up in a collection along with other women in red shirts. Blue-eyed redheads? You're bookmarked! Flat-chested? Ample-bosomed? Somewhere in between or maybe a little heavier on one side than the other? Someone's going to fancy you! Someone's going to fancy you for a part of you you may not be proud of. And even if you're proud of it, are you comfortable with someone other than your honey bunny ogling you at the keyboard?

So, that's what I want you to meditate on and comment about.

How do you handle the knowledge that the material you post innocently to the web is likely being consumed by people who are using it for pervy purposes you hadn't intended?

LAT-VEE-UH! GO TO SLEEP!

The IIHF World Hockey Championship is taking place here in Halifax this week.

In fact, it's happening just outside our windows.

As my old friend C3P0 used to say, "This is madness!"

I'm delights to be living in the heart of a wonderful city, right downtown, in the heart of the action, plugged in to the buzz of the city, connected to the energy and excitement of action and excitement.

BUT THESE GODDAMN LATVIAN HOCKEY FANS ARE LOUD!

I mean, it's almost 11pm and they're outside -- literally right outside our window, even though we're about 80 feet up in the air -- banging drums and blowing horns in a rhythmic and joyous fashion.

Now I know what it felt like to be living on Carlton Street in Toronto when the Leafs won the playoffs. Okay, that's a bit of a lie. Because, as far as I'm aware, the Leafs never won the playoffs.

I just walked down the hall to throw the trash down the chute, and even in the middle of the hallway, in the middle of the building, the drumming, horn-blowing, and endless "Ole, ole ole ole" chants were melting my brain. The noise comes in through the windows ... up through the trash chute ... in through the bathroom vents ... up through the toilet pipes, too, I think.

This morning, radio station Q104 set up shop on the corner to run a contest and give away tickets. Brilliant! But at 7am, I'm trying to sleep! I was ready to blame it on the hockey fans.

And y'know what? Y'know what? When the IIHF tournament is over, and these wonderful folks from around the world go home after spending their hard-earned money in our glorious city, it'll almost be time for the Royal Nova Scotia International Tattoo!

What's that mean? Bagpipes! Drums! Drums and bagpipes! And brass bands! Outside our window at 7am! Noise that could wake the dead -- only, surprise, you're still alive!

I love this city. I love culture.

But anyone who knows me knows, I've never been a fan of hockey.

Especially hockey players.

You guys who beat me up in school -- you know who I'm talking about.

Thank goodness I have a box of earplugs. Something tells me that if the walls and windows don't cut the noise -- oh, there they go again with the ... oh, it's the na na hey hey goodbye song with ole ole shouts in Latvian -- the earplugs won't do much.

Oh, Lloyd Robertson ... please take me off to dreamland with the news.

And that's the kind of day it's been on this Tuesday, May 6, 2008. For some of you, the local news is coming up next.

Richer than you think? Who'd a thunk?

I had an interesting exchange with one of the contributors over at the Gigababy blog, recently revamped to emphasize its emphasis on targeting speeders, racers, drunk drivers and other purveyors of automotive jackassery.

Metoo wrote a post titled "You're NOT richer than you think!":

Rant time!

And if anyone would like to point out a different view with this type of ad, I'm all ears. So.

O.k. after the millionth time of seeing these stupid ScotiaBank commercials during hockey games, I've blown the gasket. And I can't believe institutions at the level of a national bank can get away with prattling this crap.

They are helping you find ways to stay in debt people!! The "richer than you think" means that they will help you restructure your loans so that you can buy more crap and spend more money. Then you can stay in deeper debt, for a longer time, all with one LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT! That's called wage slavery folks, you gotta keep suckin it up to the man, so that you can pay your dues.

This behaviour by ScotiaBank (and all of them of course, but here it's just egregiously advertised) is no better than those "Credit Card checks" you get in the mail. You know, the ones with the text that says, "Now you have the cash to buy: that surprise vacation, or new widescreen TV, or get that dream boat you've wanted".

It's NOT cash! This is simply the 'high end' of Payday loans. And I find it reprehensible, just different shades of loan sharking.

If you're not rich, then your not rich. Think about it!

---
In a follow-up comment, Metoo wrote:

... isn't it the worst kind of bamboozling? I mean, this sort of thing borders on confidence scams, and I fear that younger generations who will never have known a cash economy will get suckered without mercy. Sub-prime meltdown anyone?

I replied:

I've come to understand that most people really *are* richer than they think.

What gets you rich isn't the money you make ... it's the money you save.

If you can restructure your payments and cut your costs, and most of all, find ways to act your wage and spend less than you make, then save and invest the difference ... well, you can be a lot richer than you probably imagine.

Sure, a bank is going to try to sell you its products to get you there ... Scotiabank mutual funds, Scotiabank consolidation loans, Scotiabank low-interest credit cards or credit lines instead of the cards you may have with other banks ... what else are you going to do? Stuff your cash under a mattress and try to get rich that way? Odds are, you're going to deal with a financial institution at some point if you're serious about laying out your money in any productive way beyond money-in/bills-out.

Scotiabank wants to be the bank to open your eyes to those possibilities, then sell you the investment vehicles. I don't fault them for that.

Metoo:

I couldn't agree more. If one restructures debt to allow for quick paying of 'bad debt' (Credit cards, car loans), and manages 'good debt' (mortgage, and appreciating assets). Then yes, you *could* be richer than you think if you invest the difference.Sadly, I don't think people are as smart as you to proceed this way.

Me:

Well, hearing people complain loudly that they'd get themselves out of debt if only they could learn how to spend less than they make and take care of personal business is about as easy to tolerate as people complaining loudly that they wish they could learn how to spell Connecticut. Bottom line -- if you want to learn how to do it, learn how to do it, then do it ... the resources are right there.

If you're complaining that Scotiabank is playing on stupid people, go right ahead. You'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the average person.

If people aren't "as smart" as me to proceed in a way that gets their debt paid off so they can put more of their income -- their 'riches' -- into things that matter and/or work for them ... well, I can't blame the bank for that. The bank is there as a tool.

If people get suckered into buying houses they absolutely cannot afford by banks that use predatory lending practices and exotic financial products that are beyond the comprehension of even an educated buyer -- that's bad. I don't like that.

But if people willingly spend themselves into a big hole by devouring all the credit they can get, then cry foul because they were *given* the credit -- I don't rail at the bank. It's not the bank's job to protect you at every turn from outspending your earning capacity.

Metoo:

... on the topic of 'predatory' banks, suckers, and digging debt holes. I can't disagree with anything you say. "Victimhood" of borrowers is not what I implied by railing against ridiculously transparent bank ads. And I might add that the "richer than you think" ads are not selling your notion of consolidating debt, living within your means, and investing the difference. Watch them. They are flogging granite counter tops and breakfast nooks, a literal quote. (not sure if you get the same ad cycle on CBC during hockey games in NS).

By being "smart" I stand by the fact that indeed, generally people aren't as studied on the topic of finance as you are. In fact, vast swaths of the population are desperately innumerate (which is worse than the literacy problems we see from time to time, but that's another debate). People just don't get numbers. They avoid the math, and are happily sucked dry by organizations that know how to benefit from the math, and legal wording on contracts as well.

Ask 100 people to explain concepts of finance like amortization, compounding, loan payment calculations, leasing calculations, inflation, real rates of return, present values, etc. I bet very few will be versed to any depth sufficient to analyze their own finances competently.

Banks love this of course, so do other businesses (car dealers?!). Combine with relentless mind bending marketing... and wa-la, "you're richer than you think".

Me:

Ah, that's what I get for not watching commercials. Thanks to the home-brew PVR, the only commercials I see are during the 11-midnight news hour. (Or as we call it, the Lloyd Robertson Rehearsal Show.)

It sounds like you'd get a good "rah-rah!" kick out of a movie I saw on the weekend: In Debt We Trust. I wrote about it over at the bas-dot-com.

Granted, a lot of people can't do the fancy math or comprehend annuities and amortization and all that. Hell, I can't even do a convincing job of explaining short-selling to my coworkers.

But if you can't lay out a simple household budget that doesn't put you deeper in the hole each month -- seriously, don't blame the bank. The basic concepts of *spend less than you make* and *save for a rainy day* don't require a special calculator. If the numbers don't add up in your favour, you have two basic choices: spend less or make more. Adjust your lifestyle by sorting out wants from needs (you *need* a place to live, you *want* it to be a nice house) and adjust as necessary.

I can't blame the banks for making people poor any more than I can blame McDonald's for making people fat or "the media" for making people anorexic.

Advertising can be persuasive. Home improvement shows can skew your expectations. Keeping up with the Joneses is also persuasive. Carrying bad habits from your family of origin can lead you astray. Pride can jam up your urge to reach for help. Fear of math can tempt you to ignore reality.

But to flail your arms at the end of the month when you're in overdraft and facing maxed out credit cards and scream "I can't help it! The banks made me do it!" is a lie, an excuse, and a cop-out.

Wow, that's harsh.

Metoo:

Harsh? Truer words were ne'er spoken. And i'm not blaming anybody for making money from the uneducated. It's all within the law of course. But people CAN avoid being suckered.

---

Now, I'm no rich genius. And I may be talking out of my Big Ass with all of this, 'cuz in a few years, homeowners' debt and other life developments may have me screaming for financial mercy. Anything for any readers to add to this, or are we assaulting an expired equine?

Movies 'bout money -- good and bad

I watched a pair of movies with 'debt' in the title over the past few days. One I liked, the other I didn't like much.

I expected In Debt We Trust to be an activist movie in the style of, say, Michael Moore or the Super Size Me guy. It was more like the latter, without even as much balance as the former.

Danny Schechter takes on the credit industry from the point of view that people who fall victim to crushing debt are hapless victims of an exploitative monster industry. While I don't disagree that Americans in particular have been buried by sometimes questionable practices of credit companies, I felt the film let the consumers off the hook too easily. Yes, people are sucked in by too-good-to-be-true offers which shouldn't be offered in the first place. Yes, people are sucked under by payday loans. But after all the reading I've been doing lately, the reality that spending less than you make is the key to staying afloat is virtually ignored. The film portrays slow death by debt as a virtual inevitability in American society.

I really did like the spooky prescience of the movie's portrayal of the housing bubble. It was made before the recent credit crunch, but predicted it precisely. It said sub-prime lending was the hot hot thing, but pointed out how ludicrous and ultimately doomed the whole scheme was.

All in all, I'd say pass on In Debt We Trust, unless you get a kick out of reinforcing a victim mentality.

On the other hand, I was angered and entertained by Life and Debt, which I found when I was looking for the other movie. I got the titles all mixed up.

Stephanie Black's film about how the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank have affected Jaimaica taught me a lot. Stuff I didn't know about Jamaica, but more importantly, stuff I didn't know about the IMF and World Bank. I had no idea how those bodies worked and what they do to countries.

The movie felt balanced, yet outrageous. It was entirely sympathetic to Jamaica, and unflattering to the IMF. The World Bank and America come off like an evil empire. Sure, that's fashionable here in Canada, but it appeared to be backed up with fact. It has the same "holy sh!t, do Americans know that their country does this?!" impact that Michael Moore's films do, without the sense "oh, come on, dude, you must be kidding" angle that Moore sometimes brings.

If you're itchin' to get mad with a movie about debt, choose Life And Debt over In Debt We Trust.

Spend wisely, gang.

It's journalawesome infotainment!!!

This week's issue of The Coast (Toronto residents -- think Now or Eye) features a cover story about local comedy troupe Picnicface. They're the funny folks behind the iconic video POWERTHIRST. I profiled this video back on June 6, 2007, before knowing who Picnicface was.

Turns out the brains behind this hilarious video that infected the folks at work with catch phrases and puns is from Halifax. We loved the video before we knew they were from here, and of course we love it even more knowing that Picnicface is a home-grown phenomenon.

Powerthirst has clocked more than six million views on YouTube, and another 450-thousand over at Will Ferrell's funnyordie.com.

So, now that you've consumed Powerthirst and it has become a part of your soul, I have something more for you.

Given that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I present this video .... Halifax's News-Talk-Sports radio station News95.7, in the style of Powerthirst!

Please note that this video is not approved, endorsed, sponsored, supported, or acknowledged by News95.7 or its parent company. It is an entirely unofficial tribute that should not be seen to reflect the promotional goals of the actual radio station. It's just up for a laugh or two.

Enjoy.

Or follow the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1xT8B9rPno

(Hey, why not give it a nice rating, too? I could use the support.)

Big Ass Superstar: Mastermind

Krystal over at Give Me Back My Five Bucks posted today about the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. You may have taken the test. I seem to remember doing one in grade 5 (or 7), but I don't recall the designation.

I followed the link on GMBMFB (you can too!) and took the test ... I came up INTJ.

A link to a description of that personality type describes me as a "Mastermind":

Masterminds will adopt ideas only if they are useful, which is to say if they work efficiently toward accomplishing the Mastermind's well-defined goals. Natural leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once in charge, however, Masterminds are the supreme pragmatists, seeing reality as a crucible for refining their strategies for goal-directed action. In a sense, Masterminds approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity.

Interesting schtuff. Another description is also keen.

What'd you come up as?

---
More detailed breakdown:

INTJ, Strength of the preferences %
Introverted: 33
Intuitive: 62
Thinking: 38
Judging: 22

Halifax Scientology Protests

Several years ago, I started voraciously devouring everything I could find about Scientology. I was disturbed and outraged by what I learned, and told everyone I knew about the dark side of Scientology. Most friends thought I was ... well, perhaps misplaced with my interest and perhaps they were a little dubious of the facts I was presenting.

As it turns out, this was one of the few times in my life I've actually been ahead of the curve in regard to something that'd eventually become a "big thing" in society. The other one that comes to mind is computers and video games ... I was heavy into that stuff way before it became socially okay or even cool to do so. Then, when it was cool, I wasn't so interested, and now I'm a zero-skills gamer and I don't know how to use Excel or Word.

Now, in the case of Scientology, a loosely-gathered group calling itself "Anonymous" has targeted the Church of Scientology after the recent kerfuffle over the Tom Cruise IAS Freedom Medal of Valor video being leaked to the net.

Anonymous organized protests around the world last Sunday. An estimated 150-200 anons demonstrated outside the Toronto org. And about ten showed up for a "raid" (their word) at the Halifax Scientology franchise on Dutch Village Road.

I've seen videos on YouTube of the Halifax Scientology raid, and, frankly, I think they're missing the point.

IMHO, the anons need to decide whether they're targeting the general public, or attempting to reach the people inside the church to awaken them to reality and help get them out. As I understand it -- and let me be clear, I'm not part of Anonymous or any other group -- Anonymous' goal is to destroy the "church" from within by informing its members of the top-down abuses so they can carry out their own uprising.

In the Halifax case, the protestors danced and pranced and generally seemed like they were in it for laughs. The local Scientologist(s) videotaped them from the front steps of the franchise. I doubt that anything the anons did would've done more than convince the locals that they were more than a goofy hate group.

With that in mind, I have some suggestions for signs the Anons could bring to the next protest, tentatively scheduled for mid-March. They may seem cryptic to uninformed readers and even some of the lulz-happy protestors, but I think they'd be closer to the mark for awakening the ire of the CoS members:

• COB is the real SP
• RTC is squirrelling the tech
• Where's Heber?
• Where's Mike Rinder?
• The OT Levels are Free Online!
• Do the Doubt Formula!
• RTC is Pulling It In
• "The work was free. Keep it so." - LRH 1957
• We Know the Clear Cognition
• Don't Ignore The Outpoints
• Miscavige is PTS to the Church
• Where are all the auditors?

In some cases, I'm proud of how much the members of Anonymous have learned in a short time. But there's more to this effort than getting together, putting on a mask, and taunting the beast.

What are you trying to achieve? If you want to help people break free, they need to reach a tipping point with their cognitive dissonance, and they need a safe place to land. If you show up and appear zany and aggressive, the CoS members will just see you as evil SPs, probably paid by the psychs, and they'll be more sure that they're right.

If you can pick at the parts of the Church the average member honestly suspects are corrupt and evil, and give them permission to think about them and cultivate that doubt, perhaps they'll start to wake up. And if they see the protestors as people concerned with their well-being instead of mocking them, they'll feel safer crossing back over to reality.

That said, the Xenu story is funny and ridiculous. But it's not a tool for rescuing cult members.

I believe that the Anonymous strategy has a chance of making a real difference. One key reason has to do with how Scientology's policies relate to handling criticism and protests. Policy dictates that investigators find out who's leading the dissent, and dig up dirt and crimes on those people. If there is no dirt, make some up. Commence a "noisy investigation." Harrass, intimate, sue, lie, and destroy until the critics are "shuddered into silence." That works pretty well when there's an organized group with a leader.

But with Anonymous, there's no leader. There's no boss. There's no one to ID and investigate. So, for now, Scientology is stumped as to how to handle the protests. There's nothing on the books to deal with it, and if Hubbard didn't write it, they don't know what to do.

Don't waste this opportunity. Stay peaceful. Stay smart. Stay focused. Don't be clowns. Don't be fools. Don't get in trouble. Don't attack the wrong targets. Don't alienate the public. Don't do it just for the laughs. Have fun, sure, but don't jump on the bandwagon just because it looks like a hoot to wear a mask and yell at people who believe that they're infested with space cooties. That won't do anyone any good.

Inform yourself. Inform your friends. Be responsible. Be respectful. And stay Anonymous if you have to.

For more on the Anonymous protests against Scientology, and how you can get involved, visit http://www.enturbulation.org/.

Cuba now, New York later?

We're booked!

We've set up a vacation to Cuba for March. One week in the sun, sand, and endless bacon of the all-you-can eat buffet. Ah, the life of an otter -- laying back in the water with food on my tummy.
I still hope to get to New York City later in the year for another vacation, but Amanda's concerned finances may not allow such a trip.

Fortunately, the amazingly talented folks at Infinite Solutions have served up a guide to enjoying NYC on $100.

I strongly recommend checking out the rest of the Infinite Solutions videos. You'll be surprised how much you learn.

Followup to Donair Salad request

I sent out an email about my Donair Salad article. I asked for feedback from King Of Donair, Bash Toulany's, and Venus Pizza, as well as from two webmasters who feature extensive sites about Halifax donairs.


Chris at TheGreatness.com (a fantastic Donair resource, btw!) responds:

Dunno. I would think, given the Mediterranean emphasis on salads and the North American "chicken caesar salad" phenomenon, that such a salad would make some
sense. It's a natural evolution from the "doner kebab" and green salad combo that is common in Turkey and, by extension, in European towns with large Turkish populations. But Canadian donair has a well deserved reputation of being the food you eat when you don't care about healthy eating. How do you mix that with the healthy clientele that usually wants a salad? Maybe it would work, but it's one more item on the menu to keep track of.

So far, none of the other leading donair innovators or commentators have replied to my request.

Someone must make this: Donair Salad

Jason was heading off to Burger King to get a salad today.

Why? Because he had a coupon.

Still, a salad? At Burger King? Home of the Whopper? (See My Beef with Burger King article.)

It suddenly dawned on me ...

Someone in this town needs to introduce a DONAIR SALAD.

DONAIR SALAD, yo!

Can't you just see it? Or smell it with your mind's nose?

A salad ... a salad with, y'know, lettuce ... but with the usual donair toppings of onions and tomatoes ...

... topped with donair meat ...

... dressed with ... I dunno ... DONAIR SAUCE?

It seems obvious! We have donair subs, donair burgers, donair pizza, perhaps even donair fries. But a google search only turns up a couple of instances of Donair Salad, and I don't think they're even in the Donair Capital, Halifax.

Someone. Please. Make. Me. A. Donair. Salad.

Low in carbs. Crunchy. Meaty.

Add it to your menu, and I'll write you up a recommendation here at www.bigasssuperstar.com. And it'll be an especially good recommendation if you give it to me free.

Cygnals: Crazy Joe: You'll be sorry!

From the pages of Cygnals Zine, Issue #8, Summer 1996.

Hear the interview in MP3. (~5.5 MB)

For sixteen years, a bearded man in a black suit has been hard-selling his way into Toronto-area living rooms.

Crazy Joe (the only name he'll give) hit Toronto's Multicultural Television (now CFMT-TV, channel 47) with fast-talking, low-budget TV spots based on a simple formula: "A crazy guy dressed up like a rabbi, with a hat, with a beard, selling blinds, verticals, furniture and carpet," says Joe. Yelling breathlessly for 30 seconds, Joe ambushes the viewer and implores him to "shop at Crazy Joe's or you pay too much ... you'll be sor-ry!"

Why's this nut dressed up like a rabbi? "I'm an Orthodox Jew, that's the difference," he says. "I wear this suit with the hat all the time."

The no-frills, crazy-crazy-crazy, dressed-like-a-rabbi gimmick has inspired spoofs from the likes of SCTV, with a parody piece dubbed "Crazy Hy's." Joe saw it two years after it went to air, calling it "very, very interesting."

Joe's hard-sell style has been imitated by many retailers, including Toronto jewelry fanatic Russell Oliver. "Oliver came to me for interview," says Joe. "He came to me, he want to know how to present himself, but basically he took off on me." And how's Oliver doing, in the eyes of the master? "I don't know, but he'll never come close to me as a promoter."

And what about the Bad Boy, Blaine Lastman? Another nooobody. "He's doing the same schtick from 20 years ago, so it's only going the same routine back and forth."

Both Lastman and Oliver read from a prepared script, something Joe denies doing. "Everything is on spot," he says. "I do it right away, on spot. Not no scripts, nothing." He admits, though, it takes about two hours to crank out four or five commercials.

For the small-time journalist trying to track down the big man for a quick telephone interview, he comes across more like Surly Joe than Crazy Joe. With all the good cheer you'd expect from a skeptical, stressed-out businessman with an unrelenting schedule, Joe was hard to find in a good mood.

Once the interview got rolling, though, Joe was the same goofy guy we see on TV.

But...he doesn't understand what a zine is. I guess that'll change soon.

---

Follow-up:

Crazy Joe's Wife Responds
Subject: Crazy Joes Article
Date: Sat, 03 Aug 1996 22:45:35 -0400
From: Chane Iczkovitz

Thank you very much for a copy of your "Zine".
Joe was very pleased with your article about him. He especially liked hearing the real audio of the interview.
He wasn't aware that you taped it. I have been trying to get him to advertise on the net for a while now without any success. Now, he's quite pleased to be on it.
I've tried explaining to him what a zine is, but I don't think he gets it.
I hope you sell alot of copies. Good luck.
Chane (Joes techhead wife)

---
Bonus links!
Official Crazy Joe's Drapery site
Interview link: 1996%20-%20Cygnals%20-%20Crazy%20Joe%20interview.mp3

Cygnals: Russell Oliver: Jewellery Fetishist or True Patriot?

(The thought of discontinuing my old site, http://www.cygnals.com/, has crossed my mind from time to time. A few articles from over there still get a lot of hits, so thought it prudent to republish them here. Besides, those articles -- many published more than a decade ago -- had tiny photos and scratchy RealAudio files, as was the style of the time. Now I can offer bigger photos when I have them, and MP3 audio if I can find the source tape. -- Scott)
---

From the pages of Cygnals Zine, Issue #8, Summer 1996.

Hear the interview in MP3 format. (5.5 MB)

If you've been up late watching TV in Toronto, you've probably noticed this guy begging for you to bring him your jewelry. He's Rusell Oliver. He spoke to Cygnals from his stately jewelry emporium on Eglinton Avenue West.

Cyg: For anyone outside Toronto who hasn't seen your ads, explain what you do on TV.

Oli: I basically go on myself, and I encourage people to come down and bring me any jewelry they have in the form of gold -- gold chains, gold bracelets, gold necklaces. I also encourage Cartier and Rolex watches or any big-name brand watches. I also buy diamonds, and I buy antiques and estate stuff. So what I do is I have encouraged people to come down, bring me their jewelry, and I pay them cash, on the spot, while they wait.

Cyg: How did you first get into these TV ads, these middle-of-the-night low-budget ads?

Oli: Well they're not really middle of the night any more. They started out that way, but now you'll find you'll see them on Oprah Winfrey, Dini Petty, Breakfast Television...

Cyg: ...And I notice you're also sponsoring the late-night movies...

Oli: Late-night movies I kept, because they're fabulous. If you watch any of those movies on Tuesday or Friday nights, you can't miss them, because they're sponsored by me...so I'm constantly on there. What started me on that was, I was selling used jewelry and the market was pretty slow -- most people were coming in wanting to sell stuff. So I decided, well, rather than get involved too much in the selling of jewelry to people, let me try buying from people. And what happened was, people started coming on a more frequent basis as I started advertising. And when I went on TV and people saw that...and people who don't know where to go, they have no idea where to sell their jewelry, would say Oh well, here's a guy who encourages and wants our jewelry. They're intimidated to go anywhere else because they're scared. People go into a jewelry store and say "will you buy my jewelry" and they're afraid the answer will be, which it is most of the time, no, we won't, and they're intimidated by it. So they're happy to see a guy on TV who's saying I want your used jewelry, I need your used jewelry, I've got cash for your jewelry.

Cyg: You're pretty passionate about needing people's jewelry. How did you first get into all this?

Oli: I've been in the jewelry business for 25 years. But I've been on the other end. I've been on selling jewelry.

Cyg: So where do you get all this money to buy all the jewelry? Where's all the jewelry that people bring in go?

Oli: Uh, well, what we do is we export most of it. So we've got customers all over the world who are giving us money...and we take their money and give it to the Canadian public.

Cyg: And now you've joined the ranks of Bad Boy and Crazy Joe -- a sort of kitschy TV personality. Do you think people take you seriously or do they look at you like some wacky pawn-shop guy on TV?

Oli: It doesn't matter. How they look at me is not important. They look at me and they come down. They react...everybody reacts differently. Most people are, you know, quite impressed. But what is fabulous is that I am the only one that you can actually come down and meet me. Should you want to go to Bad Boy, you're not really going to meet Blaine Lastman. You may or you may not. You're taking a shot. He's got four stores and they're huge. You come to my place, I guarantee you're gonna meet me. You're g onna meet Russell Oliver in person. That's what it says on the commerical. And people love it. Because they feel they know me. You have a guy in your living room, and he's talking to you, a few times a day, which I am, they feel they know me. They come in, they feel comfortable, they smile, they're in a good mood -- everybody likes coming, because they feel like they're meeting a television personality. And, quite frankly, they are.

Cyg: And do these people ever have second thoughts about going through their old family heirlooms and bringing in old gold?

Oli: Sure, sure. It's an emotional experience, and I understand that. I sympathize with people, and I'm the first one to sympathize and say "look if you have any use for it, use it.." But if you don't have any use for it, it's silly to have it in a drawer, jewelry box, or even your safety deposit box. You may as well turn it into cash, which whether you need it or not is not the important -- your cash can make you cash. Whether you put it in the bank, get some interest out of it, or buy a GIC or put it in the stock market, you're gonna make money. Sitting in your drawer and jewelry box is not going to make any money, it's going to sit there as dead money. So turn it into cash and then you can use it for something else that might represent something that you get more enjoyment out of.

---
Bonus links:
Cygnals Interview: 1996-06-19%20-%20Cygnals%20-%20Russell%20Oliver%20interview.mp3
Oliver Jewellery, Official Site
National Post article: A familiar ring to 'Cashman's' business success (Jan 8, 2008)

Wall full of razor blades

This post is completely unrelated to anything going on in my life right now ... other than that someone I know mentioned something that sent me off on an interesting search.

Coworker and buddy Jason White told me about a slot in the back of his medicine cabinet labelled "Old Razor Blades" (fixed broken link) -- but with no apparent site to recover the old blades. He figures they just go into a cavity in the wall.


Strange? Yes. True? Apparently!


Askthebuilder.com writes:

If you want surprises when it comes to medicine cabinets, wait until you remove one from an old home and see all of the discarded double-edged razor blades that are waiting for you behind the plaster. Those of us who grew up in older homes can still remember the tiny slit in the back of medicine cabinets where razor blades were placed instead of garbage cans. Razor blades in garbage cans can be very dangerous, so medicine cabinet manufacturers of old thought it was a great idea to place the dull blades in a wall cavity where no hands could get cut.

One writer named Marian at about.com believed the sudden appearance of razor blades in her home to be a poltergeist experience:

The odd thing about that was that the razor blade was coming from inside the wall! I pulled the blade out, which ripped a small hole in the wall, and I noticed there were more razor blades inside the wall, many of them actually stuck into the wall. My first thought was that maybe at some point in the past there may have been some remodeling done and for whatever reason they may have used the double-edged blades to cut, and had placed them in the wall and forgot about them and walled up over them.

One renovator found that the previous owners had put coins down the slot, not razor blades. Jackpot!:

Coins that have been sorted so far date from 1826 through 1964 and include large cents and seated Liberty dimes. The coins have been removed from the old house and placed in secure locations.So far, Bidelman has sorted and cataloged coins with a face value of about $8,500. Value to collectors will be much more, Bidelman said, adding he is already putting some items on the popular Internet auction site eBay.

A column at caller.com explores the issue

with reader feedback on the eventual fate of the discared blades:

A Caller-Times alum, Ed Rehfeld, faxed me a meditation - including illustrations, no less - in which he calculated that the space in the bin for discarded blades works out to 2,520 cubic inches. That works out to room for 168,000 blades if they fall and lie flat. "Divide the blades you use in a year (remember . . . double- edged) and divide into 168,000 = a bunch of years."

The photo atop this article was taken from a blog posting ... you can visit it, but be aware -- it's one of those annoying web sites that forces music upon you.

Everyone knows you're supposed to drink eight glasses of water a day

Well, phooey on you for believing one of the great medical myths.

BMJ (formerly The British Medical Journal) has issued its list of Seven Great Medical Myths. Among them: the idea that you need eight glasses of water a day.

This notion was assailed in a BAS post from September 2006:

Now, some people go overboard with the water. You've certainly heard the "rule" that you need to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day in order to maintain good health. Well, baloney. Snopes.com, the Urban Legends Reference Pages, debunks that myth. Furthermore, a Dartmouth Medical School study published in the American Journal of Physiology gives medical debunking to the "8x8" dogma -- eight glasses of water at eight ounces each.

As reported this week on WebMD:

1. Medical Myth: Drink at least eight glasses of water per day.
Reality: There's no evidence that you have to drink that much water to assure adequate fluid intake -- and drinking too much water can be unhealthy.
2. Medical Myth: We use only 10% of our brains.
Reality: Most of the brain isn't loafing.
Detailed brain studies haven't found the "non-functioning" 90% of the brain.
3. Medical Myth: Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
Reality: Hair and fingernails don't keep growing after death. But it may seem that way because dehydration can make the skin shrink back from hair and nails, making them look longer.
4. Medical Myth: Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight.
Reality: Dim light isn't great for focusing, but it's "unlikely to cause a permanent change in the function or structure of the eyes," Vreeman's team writes.
5. Medical Myth: Shaving causes hair to grow back faster or coarser.
Reality: "Shaving does not affect the thickness or rate of hair regrowth," write Vreeman and colleagues. But shaved hair doesn't have the fine taper of unshaved hair, making it seem coarser.
6. Medical Myth: Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals.
Reality: "Rigorous testing in Europe found minimal interference and only at distances of less than one meter [about 3.28 feet]," write the researchers. But that may be a point of controversy. In September, Dutch doctors reported that cell phones may interfere with critical care equipment and shouldn't be used within a meter of medical equipment or hospital beds.
7. Medical Myth: Eating turkey makes people especially drowsy.
Reality: Turkey isn't all that rich in tryptophan, the chemical linked to sleepiness after eating turkey. But eating a big, decadent meal can cause sleepiness, even if turkey isn't on the menu.

Here's to a 2008 full of informed information and factual facts.

Now, time for bed. The turkey is making me sleepy.

"Kitten smokes on toilet"

TV karma will burn me harshly for this one day, but for now, I'm chortling.

Last night, on The Simpsons, there was a YouTube reference, a la "PICTURE A DAY FOR 39 YEARS":

(Fox may end up deleting this video at some point.)

At the end of the video, the pretend YouTube offers a link to a video with 63-million hits called "Kitten smokes on toilet".

After I watched the show, I checked YouTube and there was no video called "Kitten smokes on toilet". Of course, I felt obliged to provide one. See below. Note there is no toilet, no smoking, and the kitten is Amanda's Kitty.

Yeah, it's cheap, but someone was going to do it. Why not me?

UPDATE: After drawing 26-hundred hits with the "Kitten smokes on toilet" label -- and 30-some comments from YouTubers pissed off about my sneakery, I've put the video label back to something a little more honest.

Now the CityPulse news test...

Jason White just blew my mind by telling me the Channel 7 Eyewitness News theme I grew up with -- WKBW in Buffalo -- had words. He didn't sing them.

He posted The Hilltop Singers, "Move Closer To Your World".

There's a whole web site about it.

But the music doesn't work. So here it is in MP3. Jason says this TV station tribute page also has it.

If you grew up in Western New York or Southern Ontario, check it out. Maybe you'll be as jaw-droppingly gobsmacked as me. (And if you're a Weinsteinophile, check out the Irv, Rick and Tom page.)

It reminds me that some time ago, I asked the folks over at the Big Yellow Board, SOWNY, if anyone knew the name of the song they used to use on Toronto's CityTV for the CityPulse News Test.

Turns out it's a Warren Zevon song called Nighttime In The Switching Yard. Here's a video at ArtistDirect. Mind blown again.

---

the%20hilltop%20singers%20-%20get%20closer%20to%20your%20world%20-%20eyewitness%20news%20theme%20with%20lyrics.mp3

Big Ass, small pews

My good buddy Sandra used to tell me how incredible it sounded when she'd go to musical performances. I'm not talking rock and/or roll bands, although they sound nice, too. She'd go to orchestras and choruses (chorii?) and such. She'd rave about them. I figured, meh, Sandra's all smart and stuff, and more cultured than I. She's probably right, but it doesn't sound like my bag.

Well, Amanda told me she'd be going to a thing this past weekend at a church up the street, and I figured ... why the heck not?

Friend-of-a-friend and super-nice guy we met at Laura's wedding, Andrew Killawee, runs a choral ensemble called Eventide. They were set to perform at Saint Patrick's Church on Brunswick Street. I saw Andrew at a party the night before and chatted a bit about it, and again figured ... why the heck not?

Saint Patrick's is beautiful. I'm not into churches all that much, but, jee-zus, they's pretty. This one, especially. Building began in 1883. It's a gorgeous building inside. Outside -- well, it was dark on Sunday night, and I've never really looked at the outside.

The most famous thing inside is the statue of Saint Patrick. His right hand was blown off in the great Halifax Explosion. (Great meaning large or immense, I use it in the pejorative sense.)

The church was scheduled for demolition after being delisted by the Big Catholic Church. It seems they've put that off, pending the raising of $600-thousand by next June. I think they're calling the campaign "Give Saint Patrick's A Hand" -- pun intended.

Anyway, the show.

Andrew's Eventide Choir was phenomenal. The church's high vaulted ceilings carried the 18 voices and let them float gloriously through the hall. Excellent tonality and timing. Even though I didn't know the words to any of the Renaissance-era tunes, I was impressed with the work. Fabulous stuff.

For an intermission, Andrew's roommate, who we'd met at another party at Andrew's house, came out to perform a piece he'd written. I'd have been impressed if a guy came out with a ukelele and did a three-minute ditty called "Churches Are So Pretty" ... but this was somethin' else!

His outfit was ... a violin, a viola, a cello, Andrew on piano, and the composer on saxomophone. Weird combo, yes, but it was freakin' awesome. It's mind-buggering to consider that this fella -- just an ordinary dude -- could not only perform an extended beautiful piece of fantastic music so flawlessly ..... but he wrote it! Hell, I can barely *remember* all three chords in a three-minute pop song, and this guy's writing masterful stuff for a five-piece quartet (?) and ... anyway, kudos to Andrew and everyone else involved.

And good luck to the people at Saint Patrick's. I'm sure Saints can get by with one hand -- I'm sure ambidextrousness is next to godliness -- but a Saint without a house is a sad sight.

Learn more about the church at their web site.

Bruce The Moose mall display: Part One

Another story I've been meaning to bring up for some time ... but it's timely now.

What ever happened to Bruce The Moose?

You probably don't know Bruce The Moose. In fact, the only reference I can find to Bruce the Moose on the whole bloody internet is on this message-board posting by 'NorthernGrl':

When I was a child, Upper Canada Mall in Newmarket, Ontario had "Bruce the Moose" He was this huge moose that played a giant piano and sang Christmas carols as you waited to see Santa. Then, in my teens, after the mall had huge renovations, Bruce was just gone.I was really upset, and still wonder where he went. I hope he was refurbished and sent to another mall, and not just trashed.

I also grew up in Newmarket, and have the same story. Bruce was there on the lower level as part of the sit-on-Santa's-lap setup. Bruce was a giant furry semi-animatronic moose. He had a sidekick -- some kind of squirrel or beaver? And they played and sang along in a clackety-clack mechanical way to a prerecorded soundtrack. Sometimes Bruce malfunctioned and didn't move. Sometimes Bruce moved and there was no music.

Now, I considered ... well ... odds are Upper Canada Mall didn't commission Bruce The Moose from scratch. That'd be a mighty big project. There had to be more Bruces the Mooses. (Meese?)

Then I met Sarah Mann, formerly the morning show producer at the radio station here in Halifax. She grew up in Chatham. A mall there also had a Bruce The Moose. She corroborated my story.

The only hard evidence I have of any of this is a single Polaroid. My sister found Bruce at a mall some years ago when she was in University, well past the Upper Canada years. I don't know where the photo has gone, but if I find it, I will scan it and post it.

So, the call is out to any and all who remember Bruce The Moose from any mall ... or anywhere the moose may have roamed.

Seeking:
- Bruce The Moose coloring books or other handouts
- Any recordings or other renditions of the Bruce The Moose music
- Photographs
- Video
- Background: who made the displays?
- Epilogue: where did the Bruces go after they were done?
- More: anyone work with these beasts and have stories to tell about their maintenance and implementation?

This is only Part One. You can add more in the comments or send me e-mail. As the material comes in, I will re-post and expand, and eventually we'll compile the official Bruce The Moose Christmas Display archive on the Interweb.

Step one: I think I'll go call Upper Canada Mall to see if anyone can give me some background.

Spread the word through Facebook or MSN or whatever you people use. Let's get 'er done. Preserve the memories.

Gay guys totally dig me on Flickr

I've been meaning to write something about this for a while, but I don't really know what to say about it.

The bottom line is ... some gay men enjoy pictures of my gut.

Stop laughing.

The picture on the right has had six people label it a favorite. That, as far as I can tell, makes it the most favorited picture in my Flickr library.

The favoriters (word? is it? probably not) include men named tex - just tex, N!(K -- loveforphotography --, Cute_Boy_Wonder, bobjeffs00, matadormat_net, and, the name that seems to sum it all up, Overfed & Underdressed.

Clicking on any of those names will show you their favorites. (I don't suggest doing it at work.) You'll note that they're mostly pictures of topless, hairy, fat men. I'm in good company.

The picture of me with Randy from the Trailer Park Boys comparing big hairy bellies is also a popular choice among the same crowd. Actually, checking right now, I see it has 8 people counting it as favorite, including beardad4bears.

I suppose I'm flattered. It's nice to be considered a sex object, even if those objectifying me aren't the ones I'd expect to attract.

If I were gay, I suppose I'd be welcomed into the "Bear Community." Wikipedia has an article about this, with the following terminology.

• Admirer - a term that refers to someone who is sexually or romantically attracted to Bears (this term is often used in various communities to describe an outsider who has sexual attraction to people within that community). Also often referred to as a Chaser.
• Admirers/Chasers can be of any weight, hairy or hairless and any age.
• Bear - a man with a stocky or heavyset build. Can be hairy or hairless and can be of any age.
• Cub - a younger (or younger looking) version of a Bear, typically but not always with a smaller frame. The term is sometimes used to imply the passive partner in a relationship. Can be hairy or hairless.
• Daddy bear - is an older guy sometimes looking for a daddy/son relationship with either a younger Bear, Cub, Otter, Wolf or Chaser.
• Goldilocks - A female, often heterosexual, who is often in the company of bears. A bear's fag hag. Also can be referred to as an Ursula.
• Muscle bear - a muscular version of a Bear. A muscle cub is a younger or smaller, yet muscular, version. Can be hairy or hairless and of any age.
• Panda bear - a bear of Asian ethnicity. A panda cub is younger version. Usually hairless.
• Polar bear - a silver- or white-haired Bear.
• Otter - a man who is hairy, but is not large or stocky - typically thinner, or with lean muscle. Slimmer version of a Bear with little pockets of fat like love handles or a tiny gut, but not as lean as a Wolf.
• Woof - A greeting often used when a Bear spots another Bear in public and wants to express physical attraction. He might make a growling noise ("Grrr!") or say "Woof!"
• Bear run - a gathering or circuit party for Bear/Cub types and their Admirers.

Kevin Smith has a nice bit about this whole phenomenon in the second An Evening With... DVD. A gay friend told him that if he were ever to switch teams, he could get a really really hot boyfriend, 'cuz the cute muscly hairless guys really go for the chubby hairy dudes.

So, to all the "chasers" -- uh, thanks. Thanks for diggin' my scene. You can look but don't touch.

PS: I now have a full beard. Oo, I'm such a tease.

Storm's over. Back to bidniz.

I ended up sleeping through the storm, awakened this morning by a Blackberry email from my parents wondering if we'd been swept off the map because the Internet feed for the radio station was down.

Yes, we survived. No broken windows. No leaks. The barbeque is still on the balcony. I was afraid we'd lost Amanda's cat, but she was just hiding in the closet in the Dungeon/Studio.

We went out this morning to get material for more stories this afternoon.







This low-rise apartment building on Monastery Lane, behind the Canadian Tire on Quinpool, lost its brick facade around 4am. Two cars parked in a no-parking zone were crunched. A third was damaged. A woman who lives inside says the most-damaged car looked like it was a pretty sweet ride...beforehand.

A big tree tipped over at Quinpool and Rosebank, across from the Irving, next to the Ardmore Tea Room. It didn't snap the lines, but stretched 'em pretty good. I was lucky enough to find Nova Scotia Power's communications woman there, so I snagged a decent interview after she told some kids not to play on a fallen tree under power lines. (Parents? Anyone?)


We headed out to our favourite rocky shoreline area off Purcell's Cove Road -- and we weren't the only ones there this time. The waves were spectacular. You can't quite fathom the scale from the pictures here. (Click on 'em anyway -- they'll take you to Flickr.)

Storm's still coming

I went out in the storm for a reporting stint ... will probably head out again soon for an update.

Checked out the shoreline by the harbour ... lots of wind ... nearly lost my glasses coming back up Duke Street. I felt sort of like John Holliman on CNN standing in a hurricane -- and the storm is still 400km away. Chatted with some students at the Split Crow. They're hell-bent on drinking and partying no matter what the weather. The cover band was doing some Guns 'n Roses -- Sweet Child o' Mine, though November Rain would've been the obvious choice.

I came back thoroughly soaked, despite having worn Amanda's Land's End raincoat.

Forecast is for the peak winds to hit around 6am. We'll see about going out in the morning for more coverage. So much for getting an extra hour of sleep.

Hatches: battened down

There's a big storm coming tonight. It used to be known as Hurricane Noel. Now it's post-tropical, and Halifax is in the crosshairs.

The rain has started ... the wind has pickeded up ... and conditions are expected to deteriorate as the day and evening wears on.

Peter Bowyer at the Canadian Hurricane Centre in Dartmouth is saying the peak of the storm will hit after midnight, into the morning hours, winds of up to 140 km/h.

We're up in a high-rise building that suffered some window damage during Hurricane Juan a few years ago. We've strapped down the barbeque on the balcony and brought in the balcony furniture. Amanda is filling up extra bottles of water right now. We have plenty of food and water on hand.

The scary part, for me, will be later tonight when I'm out reporting. The radio station is putting on a special show tonight, and I've drawn the "out there" assignment. "Out there" as in "not at the station" -- so it's not clear whether I'll be reporting from Barrington Street, the bar district, my balcony, or hiding in the bathroom from flying glass. We'll see how it goes.

So much for getting an extra hour of sleep tonight. It sounds like we'll be getting an extra hour of rattling windows and howling wind. W00t!

I'll post any interesting pictures over to Flickr.

It's nice to get away

Amanda and I spent the weekend in beautiful Annapolis Royal, Nova Scotia.

We went there in the summer for part of our vacation, and Amanda rightly suggested we return for our "official" arbitrary anniversary in the fall. So ... we did!

Ahhh ... two nights in the luxurious King George Inn, with a two-person jacuzzi tub, genuine artificial fireplace, antiques, a newly-installed king-sized bed, and the meticulous hospitality of Faith McStravick, the "pancake queen" innkeeper.

Only problem was ... the town was pretty much closed. It's the off season. No farmer's market. Few shops. The Port Royal habitation across the bay was closed for the season.

And to m