(Don't) Bestill my Beating Heart

Are you at risk for sudden cardiac arrest, or "SCA" as the kids say?

I am! Maybe.

According to a web site run by St. Jude Medical, some of the manageable risk factors are:

• Stress
• High blood pressure
• High cholesterol
• Cigarette smoking
• Excess weight
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• High fat diet
• Sedentary lifestyle

Great!

Now, this SCA stuff isn't a regular heart attack. This isn't a question of your arteries being gummed up with crap and being starved for delicious oxygen-rich blood, or chunks of your hardened arteries breaking off and floating around until they kill you. Naw, Sudden Cardiac Arrest has more to do with the electrical innards of your heart muscle going all cattywompus and messing up the rhythm in a catastrophic way.

In other words, the heart stops beating. And when the heart stops beating, you don't get blood to your brain and vital organs. And in that case, you might as well be dead. In fact, you'd be dead. Very bad.

So, whatcha gonna do? Hopefully someone around knows what the heck is going on, and you're somewhere that has a defibrillator. You know, the shock paddles. Zonk, you're dead. Zap, you're alive. W00t!

But there's another option if you've had these sudden heart attacks before and are likely to have them again. How about a defibrillator that's stuck inside your chest? Aha! The ICD implant is about the size of a pocketwatch, and since you don't carry a pocketwatch any more, you won't mind the excess weight. Of course, it's inside you. It's no good for telling time, but it is good for detecting an abnormally slow or fast heartbeat and zapping it back to the proper speed. I'm not doctory enough to explain the difference between this and a pacemaker, other than that it sounds like this implant is smart whereas a pacemaker may be dumb. I dunno. Ask your doctor.

If you're having sudden cardiac arrest right now, hit the "back" button on your browser right now and call 9-1-1. You only have 4-6 minutes to get help before you're permanently deceased.

If you're not having one, find out if you're about to by visiting www.insidecardiacarrest.com.