Which Scott Simpson is this?

I haven't mentioned Scientology here in a long time, so here's a throwaway reference for you, as an intro to this Googly article.

The "cognition" of Scientology's top level, Operating Thetan level 8 (New OT8) -- that is, what you're supposed to come to realize after finishing it all -- is "Now I know who I am not and I am interested in finding out who I am." There. I just saved you a few hundred thousand dollars, at least.

On that note, I've come up with a little exercise to illustrate who I'm not. Thanks to the magic of Google, I can attest with some confidence that I am Scott Simpson ... but not any of the following Scott Simpsons:

• Scott Simpson the Halifax film director. I know him, though. He's engaged to one my coworkers. That's a little weird, but he's a cool guy.
• K. Scott Simpson, apparently also from Halifax. He works at Dalhousie in sport. Clearly, I don't do anything much with sport.
• Scott Simpson at UWIC Cardiff School of Sport. Ditto.
• Scott Simpson the Canadian medal-winning triathlete from Toronto. I had a hunch there was another Scott Simpson in Toronto when I lived there, but I didn't know someone with the same name became the first HIV+ athlete to ever compete in the Triathlon Canada. Good for him!
• Scott Simpson the American golfer. He won the US Open in 1987. I've never played golf.
• Scott Simpson the Safety Director for AviaEd in Tempe, Arizona. I can't fly planes.
• Scott Simpson the British electrician. I can hook up my home theatre, but I can't wire a house.
• Scott Simpson the blogger from www.scottsimpson.net. He uses WordPress. I still use Blogger.
• Scott Simpson the mentally ill criminal whose 2004 death in Australian custody was the subject of an inquest. I've never been to Australia, though that sounds like fun.
• Scott Simpson of Phoenix, a dentist who specializes in sedation. My brother-in-law knows teeth, but I don't.
• Scott Simpson, president and CEO of bitHeads, and board member of Information Technology Association of Canada. I know some stuff about computers, but not *that* much.
• Scott Simpson the Thomas Cook travel book writer. I don't know anything about Krakow, Poland.
• Scott Simpson the Virginia Genealogy expert. I don't think I'm related to any Virginians.
• Scott Simpson the design expert, co-chair of Design Futures Council and president and CEO of The Stubbins Associates of Cambridge, Massachusetts. I don't even design the present. Amanda's the in-house designer.
• Dr. Scott Simpson the director of Faith In Action Campus Events in Spearfish, South Dakota. I don't go to church, let alone lead one.
• Scott Simpson the "acoustic artist form the north west blending Bob Dylanesauqe protests songs with JohnnY Cash story telling with a large dash of his own personal experiences." I play mostly electric guitar.
• Scott Simpson the singer/songwriter from Runcorn in the northwest UK.
• Scott Simpson the Rochester, New York goalie. I don't play hockey.
• Scott Simpson the NCAA football player. I also don't play football.
• Captain Scott Simpson of the charter boat Impulsive. I don't have a boat, though Impulsive is probably exactly what I'd call it if I went out and bought one.
• Scott Simpson the Case Western Reserve University paleontologist. Does a new fossil link Homo erectus and Homo sapiens? Damned if I know.
• Scott Simpson the social policy writer. I barely observe social policy, let alone write about it.
• Scott R. Simpson, Rochester attorney specializing in tax-exempt and nonprofit organizations and their corporate governance. IANAL (I am not a lawyer).
• Scott V. Simpson, British lawyer specializing in cross-border merger and acquisition transactions, including contested takeovers. IANAL.
• Scott Simpson the Cedar Rapids "parachute associate." What?
• Scott Simpson the Maine light painter. I don't know what "light painting" is, but I bet if I painted, I'd paint heavy.
• Scott Simpson who played Professor Harris on Dawson's Creek. I'd avoid Katie Holmes.
• Scott Simpson who wrestled professionally as Nikita Koloff. I met his "Uncle" Ivan Koloff once and told him that was my name, too. He understood that we are different people.
• Scott Simpson the clinical social worker from Burlington, Vermont. Cool, a social worker!
• Scott Simpson the Assistant Principal at Anne Arundel County Public Schools. I don't go to schools.
• Scott Simpson who's looking for a chick in Texas at consumating.com. Looks like we were both on Fidonet back in the day, but I ain't him.
• Scott Simpson the project manager for the Illinois Prairie-Chicken Sanctuary. See, I eat chickens.
• Scott Simpson the anime voice-over actor. My voice-over work is strictly commercial, though being the voice of a cartoon would be pretty cool.
• Scott Simpson the Century 21 real estate agent from Leominster MA. I'm just learning about home buying.
• Scott Simpson of Scott Simpson Builders in Northbrook, Illinois. I don't build 'em either.
• Scott Simpson the Minneapolis financial advisor. I don't dispense solid money advice. Invest early, invest often, stay invested. There ya go.
• Scott Simpson the Vancouver Sun writer. Journalist, yes, but it's not me.
• Scott Simpson the ex-RCMP officer who pleaded guilty to trafficking marijuana. Ouch.
• Scott Simpson the co-founder of Main Street Auctions. I've bought and sold on eBay a few times, but not enough to start a company.
• Scott Simpson the chef and owner of Seattle restaurant Fork. I might eat there, though (risotto pops for $8—think jalapeño poppers, but instead truffled wild mushroom rice is panko-breaded, with remoulade for dipping).
• Scott Simpson the Star Wars Stormtrooper. WTF?! That's pretty cool.
• Scott Simpson the Vice-President of Marketing and Analysis at Capital One Healthcare. Sounds important.

With all these fine Scott Simpsons around, I'm honored to be the first one to show up on Google when you search said name. Well, it has been recently, anyway. Perhaps this article will screw that right up. I don't know if Google will see all those repeating names and decide I'm full of crap.

Anyway, now that you know who I'm not, I hope you're interested in learning more about who I am. If so, keep reading.